When escaflowne goes camping!
by cranberry
Summary: remember me? this is a horrible attempt at humor, please R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing! No escaflowne, no characters and no references to tv shows or anything else that I thought was funny. (*sob*) Excuse me, (sniffle) I have to go cry my little heart out!(*cry, sob, sniffle, wheeze*)

A/N: okay, I'm alright, just had to take a minute to get over the realization that I don't own esca, like every fan does. Guess what every one! I'm back! This is my attempt to write something funny, and I wrote it with my sister who did a little more then I did, but I did most of the ideas. We could make it more funny but none of you would get our inside jokes, you understand right? Please review and tell if it is funny at all, we'll settle for just a little smirk or an all out laugh just take the few minutes to satisfy our poor little lives, you all know the way it can make you smile J I don' t know how that little happy face got there! ;)

****

WHEN ESCAFLOWNE GOES CAMPING!!!

They finally reached the campsite after a very long ten minutes. Dilandau and the dragon slayers had been singing I'm too sexy (the whole way). It wasn't so bad but then Merle began singing with them, if you would even call that singing, it sounded more like a cow screaming if there is such a thing. 

At the campsite Folken was giving out orders. " Van and …Hitomi go gather some wood. Merle and Millerna unpack the lunches. Allen, Dilandau and dragon slayers set up the tents." Folken was smirking at his knowledge of this whole camping experience. He had been studying for this camping trip for a couple weeks. He had memorized the entire wilderness survival guide, which made him feel like an expert in the field of camping. For once, Folken was wearing something different than his normal dark cloak. He was sporting a pair of hiking boots with florescent pink shoelaces, a purple fleecy sweater (which fits tightly around his mechanical arm) underneath a red and green plaid vest, covered with utility pockets. Everyone was staring at him. " What… go!" He said flailing his arms wildly.

" Now?" Van said stunned.

" Yes NOW" said Folken a bit frustrated.

"Oh Folken," Allen replied oddly cheerful, "What are YOU going to do?" Now everyone was giggling. 

" Oh, umm…I will… assist with the lunches, yeah the lunches." Said Folken even more frustrated, who was also slightly embarrassed for forgetting about himself.

Half an hour later.

Beside an unlit fire was the pile of sticks and sappy logs Hitomi and Van had collected. Everyone was trying to set up the tents except for Hitomi, Merle, Millerna and the dragon slayers; they were eating some ham and cheese sandwiches. The girls' tent was up in a matter of minutes, because Hitomi had some experience with tents and the dragon slayers hadn't put theirs up yet. Van was staring blankly at the assembly instructions while one of his gloves was dangling from the piece of paper; the sap had glued them together. Van was mumbling under his breath, "Damn those sappy logs. Stupid instructions" were the only clear words to be heard other than the occasional profanity. Van looked up from the tent instructions.

" These aren't instructions, they can't be, no, the real ones must be lost." He said depressed, "Hitomi is this a joke, why would anyone do this for fun?"

" Van, they are upside down." She said, a small smile spreading across her lips, " Are sure you don't need our help?" asked Hitomi. 

"NO" yelled Van, Allen and Folken in unison (for the 5th time). 

While Allen and Folken were arguing over which way the tent went, Dilandau was putting the finishing touches on his own tent. Dilandau had given up on the instructions a while ago. They were now just a pile of ashes in the fire pit. He had stuck all the poles in the ground to form something that resembled a teepee. The slightly charred red tent had been draped over the top of the poles and a rope was tied around the tent and tied to the ground (Why? to stop the whole thing from walking off of coarse!). 

"Umm Dilandau… what did you do to your tent?" asked Merle, with a very confused look on her face.

" Nice isn't it? I think my way worked much better." Dilandau said glowingly. "I still don't understand why we are doing this?" Dilly stood a little while longer, just staring at the tent/teepee. "And are you sure this tent thing isn't alive." When they had all gone shopping for the their tents and other camping supplies, Van told Dilly that tents were vicious farm animals that were bread for the soul purpose of camping. And that the tents you buy are the gutted carcuses of the actual animal. Then he started telling him stories of where the tent didn't die when the farmers gutted it and would eat the campers in their sleep. After they chased Dilly through the store all 3 floors and cocist him out of the propane fire-starter demo area, they spent an hour explaining that Van was joking and was just trying to scare him. He still doen't quite believe that Van was lying to him.

Dilandau stares at his tent a bit scared then realizes at any second it could attack. He then remembers the ropes tying it to the ground. Relief spreads across his face for IT (the tent) is restrained. He stares at it a bit longer and his fear grows again. A puny rope like that couldn't hold back this beast for long. Dilly slowly backs away from it, keeping eye contact mind you, just like Folken had told him act if he met a cougar and he was sure that this must be just a dangerous or even more so. Dilandau then makes a run for it, and dashes behind a tree. He emerges with his large camping bag in one hand and in the other his handy portable flame-thrower (this one is smaller, for travelling purposes). Dilandau cautiously sits beside Merle with the tent at flame point, and then he let out a sigh of relief, sure that it wouldn't try anything funny with him watching it. Merle slowly inches her way away from the crazy pyromaniac. 

" He's right, it's gotta be alive… no normal non-living thing ever caused this much trouble" Van exclaimed.

" Umm, Hee he… I think he's just insane." Merle said quietly.

" I agree with Merle." Replied Hitomi.

" Ohh… That's right I'm the insane one, like you're not!" Dilandau said, feeling proud of his witty comeback. Everyone except the dragon slayers was staring at him, like he couldn't BE any stupider. But not to disappoint them he says," What are you looking at? … (Speaking to the tent now) I see you! Don't even think about it. No funny stuff now." he yells, waving the flame-thrower in the air to remind the tent it's still there. A few minutes later "Ahht, I saw that." 

"Aren't you guys going to set up you tent?" Allen asked the dragon slayers.

"Umm, I guess we could do that now. Migel would you do it?" Guimel asks. He then points to a tree with some bags under it. "It's over there." 

Migel comes back with something like a hula-hoop, covered in nylon. He pulls on a dangling chord, and it bursts open to form a fully assembled blue tent. Everyone was staring wide-eyed at the blue tent with gaping mouths. "The guy in the store said it was a good one." Migel said timidly. (If any of you has seen that episode of third rock from the sun, the one where they take Mary camping and with one big WOOSH, her tent is up? Think of that, if not, try.)

Allen started whining and complaining, " Why didn't we get one like that? Huh, huh. What did I do to deserve this piece of crap?" pointing to their own tent. " Was it not YOU Folken, who said we should get this one… URGE" Allen was becoming tense, not to mention annoying. " That's it I give up" throwing up his arms, quite irritated he sits down on the other of Merle. She looks up to see Allen pouting, then looks over at Dilly smiling insanely at his tent. A bit scared she sits quietly between the two of them.

By now Van and Folken had given up on their tent. Hitomi and Merle (who jumped at the idea) were working on separating the poles from the tent, which took about forty minutes, only because Merle was stabbed in the eye by one of the poles, and the actual tent was glued to the poles and the ground by more sap. Once it was all separated, the tent was up in a coupleof minutes. (Again Hitomi's experience comes in handy) 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or any of its original characters. I also do not own Harry Potter or any other reference to tv shows, movies or books. Don't sue cuz this is for our(mine and my sister) pure enjoyment. Also you wouldn't get much except my computer and a constant ringing in your ears from me yelling at you for taking my computer.

****

When Escaflowne goes Camping!

Now that all the tents were up, it gave a chance for anyone who didn't get food to eat. Most of the sandwiches were eaten already, so they had to divide up the apples that were left. Unsatisfied, Allen decided that it was time to start dinner.

"I'm still hungry. How long until dinner? Could we start now?" When no one paid attention to him, Allen decided to use his most lethal weapon on the weakest member of the group, his charms on Millerna.

"Millerna?" he said in his most knightly voice possible.

Millerna looked up from the book she had found, _Harry Potter and the Philosophers stone. _

"Yes Allen?" she answered, smiling slightly, amazed that he would talk to her without her starting the conversation which she normally had to do.

Allen saw the smile and decided to lay the charm on a little thicker. He batted his eyes, tossed his hair and said, "Millerna, the most pretty girl of all Asturia, when do YOU think we should start dinner? I'm feeling hungry now, Princess." Allen cooed. He stood up and walked over to her still batting his eyes. He stared in her eyes, knowing that she couldn't look away from his beautiful features, especially his blue eyes.

"Uh...Al.. Allen?" Millerna's voice wavered for she was overjoyed at all the attention she was getting from the knight. Not wanting him to stop she replied, "I think right now is a good time." Batting her eyes right back at him, hoping that it would keep him going, but that was not the result. Allen stood up and left, returning back to his seat on the other side of the unlit fire pit. 

"There, the princess said dinner should be started NOW!" he said, his interest lost in Millerna, because he had got exactly what he wanted. Millerna, realizing that she had just been played, returned to her book, a scowl across her face. Every so often she would look up and stare at Allen, not to say or do anything, just stare. Sometimes she would stab at him with her evil eye, and then seconds later she would smile at him, replaying the moment over in her mind.

In the middle of one of her angry looks, Millerna blurted out, " Allen, you're just as bad as Malfoy!!"

"Who's Malfoy?" Folken asked. He had been watching the whole little scene, enjoying that Allen, the heavenly knight was getting nasty looks from the princess. He wanted to know if this was a bad insult or not, if so it would just add to the entertainment.

"He's Harry's arch enemy. He's a rich, stuck up snob that has two big thugs following him around and he's just plain MEAN!"

"Other than the big thugs following him around, he reminds me of someone." Chesta said quietly to Hitomi. Someone had stolen his Harry Potter book, his FAVORITE book and well to say the least he was angry. An angry little dragon slayer is **not** a happy little dragon slayer.

Hitomi giggled, " I agree totally. Someone whose name rhymes with Pillerna."

"Humph." was all Chesta said. He had found the Harry Potter book in Hitomi's duffel bag and after reading it, he became hooked. For his birthday, all the other dragon slayers had paid Hitomi to go back to the mystic moon to buy the whole set. She agreed, with a little persuasion from Van, and they gave him the set. He was very protective of the books, and when he found out that Millerna had taken one, he became very angry but Dalet had said to do nothing because it would ruin the weekend. Not like Allen wasn't doing a good job of that already.

"Fine, Allen, you can start dinner." Merle said, " I don't feel like waiting around here though, anyone want to go for a walk?" Merle seemed very agitated, and impatient, she couldn't sit still. Out of nowhere she pounced off her seat and started running around the group. She seemed to get a sudden burst of energy all of a sudden.

"What's up with her?" Dilandau asked.

"I don't know." Van replied. "Merle, what's wrong? Merle?"

"Where'd she go?" Millerna asked.

"She headed for that bush over there." Migel answered, pointing to bunch of bushes behind Dilandau's tent.

Dilly looked up to see where Migel had pointed and gasped. He had momentarily forgotten about **the Tent**, and he kicked himself internally for doing so. Putting his hand up to his mouth and giving the most awed look he could give for someone almost as brave as him, he said, "What a brave little catgirl. Facing Malfoy all by herself!" He then turned away, hiding his face from everyone, and all you could hear were little sniffles and muffled sobs.

"Dilandau, are you crying? And who's Malfoy?" Folken said, confusion obvious in his voice.

"NO! I'm not crying! Why would I CRY?!?" Dilly retorted defensively. He quickly wiped away the forming tears in his eyes for the brave little Merle. He then turned around and said quietly " And Malfoy is the Tent."

"Uh, sir? You named the tent Malfoy? It's just a tent sir." Guimel said. This was responded by a quick slap on his face by Dilandau, though not as hard as normal because he was now watching Malfoy with one eye.

"I need a name to call this evil beast don't I? This Tent's name is Malfoy and you will address him as according is that clear!"

"Yes sir!" all the dragon slayers yelled in unison.

Van rolled his eyes and Millerna and Merle giggled. Wait a minute, Merle giggled? That's right, she came running back from the unknown from behind Malfoy. She was also carrying a large red tin can.

"Merle! You're back! You're alive! You're ALIVE!" Dilly screamed. He ran up to her and hugged her. He hugged her so hard she dropped the tin can she was holding. It rolled over to Van's feet, where he picked it up and read it, " Folgers instant coffee mix"

"OOOOhh!! That's why Merle got so hyper all of a sudden, she ate the coffee!" Hitomi exclaimed. " And by the looks of it, she at a lot."

Authors note!: 

This story is a collaberation of me and my sister. We are not sure when this acually takes place and we also apoligize for any out of characterness.

Okay! It's been a while since I posted anything but that was because Ali, my sister thought I posted ALL of what we wrote but then she understood, but then I couldn't get onto FF.net so im posting now, sorry for the wait. HUGE thanks to all who reviewed, it gave us a bubbly feeling. Please Review and tell us how much it made you laugh if it did at all. Remember this is our twisted sense of humor on a computer screen. Now ON WITH THE STORY!!


End file.
